Breaking the Rules
A New Year's Resolution
“Do something outside the norms of your own gender and notice the reactions of those around you.” That was one of the first assignments I gave my students when I taught a gender studies course.
Their responses were creative.
One young woman parked in the lot of a local department store, opened the hood, and began looking for “the problem.” She assured each would-be helper that while she appreciated their offers she had it under control.
Most believed her; one argued the point.
Another strolled into a jewelry store and told the sales clerk she wanted to see engagement rings. She would be asking her boyfriend to marry her, she explained, and wanted to give him a ring if he said yes.
Then came the deer-in-the-headlights look while crickets chirped in the background. “Wait a minute. I’ll be back,” the clerk said as she scurried to the back room. Whispers wafted from behind drawn curtains.
When the clerk reappeared, her professional face was on. “Are you thinking a diamond?” “Will this be worn with a wedding ring?” “Does he prefer white or yellow gold?”
Evidently, the prospect of a sale took precedence over the surprising request.
As we discussed each of their experiences in class the next day, we all agreed that gender norms are more prevalent than we had anticipated. And rather than being set in stone, these norms often stem from role expectations and tradition.
And while who fixes the car or buys the ring might not be terribly important, some norms have more far-reaching implications. For instance, who will be encouraged to follow their talents into an occupation that is time demanding? Or who will be expected to put a career on hold if family demands require a stay-at-home parent?
It’s good to stop occasionally to think about our culture’s rules for behavior - gendered or otherwise - and consider whether they still make sense for us or not. And when we decide a rule no longer serves us well, it sometimes makes more sense to break the rule than to follow it blindly.
As I begin 2026, I plan to break a few rules myself. Like many women, I often begin the year with a resolution involving weight loss. However, I will not do that this year. I’ve come to believe that talking about losing weight seems to be obligatory for women when we enter a new calendar year.
It’s almost as if losing weight isn’t as important as letting people know we are stressed about it. I know I’m guilty of that and want to stop doing it.
How about you? Are there any rules (gendered or otherwise) that no longer serve you well? Any that keep you from reaching your potential?
I’d love to hear them! Leave a comment if you’d like to share!
This is a modified version of an article originally published by CBE International on August 22, 2012, under the title Breaking the Rules.
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I love breaking gender norms. Especially letting my husband cook!
This is a great idea! And I agree with you, it does feel obligatory to have some sort of weight-loss resolution. I do have a health one, to take a walk outside every day, but I have a behavior one too. The men I meet seem to opine on all sorts of things even when they don't know that much about it. I've decided I am going to do that too, with the codicil of admitting to what I know, what I surmise, and what I'm guessing at. I just want to see what happens.