Friends Forever?

Why I Don't Unfriend on Facebook

Photo by Dayne Topkin on Unsplash

I enjoy social media. Instagram, TikTok, BlueSky – they all have their place. But being a woman of a certain age, Facebook is my go-to, my favorite platform to scroll and post my thoughts.

And while it has become more combative over the past decade, I make it a practice to not unfriend those with whom I disagree.

I know many people who do, and I certainly understand why. If those you interact with on social media are friends in the traditional sense – that is, people you select based on common interests and values – then unfriending them when that’s no longer true is reasonable. They begin defending political leaders you find deplorable or bash those you find compelling. Their posts on matters of science or religion take on a flavor that worries you.

So, you unfriend them in the same way you taper off any friendship that no longer fits.

I get it. And I’m not suggesting you change your practice.

However, I do it differently. And the teacher in me wants to explain.

For one thing, I enjoy keeping up with people I knew as a child, along with former classmates, students, and coworkers. Even when we don’t share the same politics, religious ideology, or worldview, those people are a link to another time in my life, and I want to keep that connection to who I was then – who we were then.

For another, unfriending them would likely register as rejection. And I’ve been rejected enough that I’d hate to impose that hurt on someone else.

And, frankly, I like presenting a perspective they might not consider unless it comes from someone they like and respect. Someone with whom they have a history.

So far it’s worked out well. I’ve found shared beliefs with those I wouldn’t have expected to agree with on matters of faith or politics. Others question me when my posts run contrary to what they assumed my position to be. They’ll send me a direct message where we bat around the buts, and what abouts to better understand each other. It’s nice to at least get where the other is coming from.

Of course, I’ve received my share of reprimands and words of caution for what they fear is my slide down that slippery slope. When that happens, I try to respond with grace and kindness, and only after regulating my own emotions so I won’t be reactive.

I’ve also been warned of the futility of influencing anyone through social media. “No one has ever changed their mind based on a Facebook post,” they tell me.

But I beg to disagree.

I, for one, have changed my mind based on social media content. Not drastically or with a single post, certainly. But on issues where I’ve had niggling doubts that kept me from committing fully, I’ve seen posts that gave me the focus and clarity to settle on my own position.

So – yes – for reasonable people who want to understand an issue, reading what others think matters.

It helps that I’m selective on whom I seek out as friends. I typically scroll their feed first before sending out requests. And when I receive a request from someone I fear will live to regret it, I click Accept with a quick prayer and an Oh, sweetie, this’ll never work under my breath.

They’ll learn who I am soon enough and can unfriend me if they choose. I won’t be offended.

But if they trust this girl with whom they shared a sandbox, or a classroom, or a pew then maybe they’ll listen and consider what I have to say.

February Events

February was spent moving into our new house in Louisville and setting up my new office. I still have boxes to unpack and paint colors to pick out. Any ideas on the best color to get my creative flow going?